Kim had a problem with her ex boyfriend.  To get back together, she needed him to understand that she required real commitment.

John was an on again off again kind of man.  He would get really serious with her for a while and then back off and say they should see other people.  This had happened four times and Jenny was tired of saying Brian was her boyfriend and then her ex boyfriend.  To get back together with him this time would require something more.

So, Jenny sat down and decided what she needed from John.  She decided that she would pursue a two prong strategy.

First of all, Kim said that they could get back together one more time.  If he called things off after that, she would move on with her life.  John had to be really serious this time and he must show it to her.

But the second prong was just as important.  Kim realized that part of the problem was hers.  She always pushed to intensify the relationship too soon.  John would comply initially but then ask for more space after 3 weeks.

So, Kim decided that this time, John would set the pace for the relationship.  She wouldn’t pressure him to make commitments other than not seeing other girl.  Other than that fundamental principle, he would control the pace of their relationship.

When Kim presented this solution to her ex boyfriend, to get back together with the understanding that he would control the pace, John was quite receptive.

John, like so many men, needed to be the pursuer.  When Kim set the pace, she took away his ability to pursue her.  John found that he felt both emasculated and suffocated at the same time.

So, Kim stopped calling him.  She let John call her.  She stopped suggesting date ideas and let him set things up.

Kim found that at first they didn’t go out as often as she would have liked.  And, their dates were less “creative” than they would have been had she thought they will be.

But, she also found that the time they spent together was more meaningful than it had been in the past.  John no longer felt like he was a fish out of water when he was with her.  And, he no longer needed to take “breaks” from her.

Kim first needed to decide what she wanted.  She knew she wanted John and she knew she wanted him badly and for a full time.

But, she also needed to figure out what he wanted.  He wanted to have space and he also wanted to be in control of the relationship.  Despite being a modern woman, Kim realized that this was important to John.

Suddenly, John was no longer her ex boyfriend.  To get back with your ex, figure out what you want and what he needs.  Then deliver and you will see the results alone…

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